Flexibility. Freedom. Independence. These 3 words describe what I loved so much about the single life. The fact I made my own schedule. The fact I was able to just go out there and get my masters degree. The fact I could go on vacation wherever I wanted. The fact I was able to invest so much time in ministries at my church or being able to go on missions trips. The fact that on my own I bought my own condo and decorated it just the way I wanted. The fact I had time to just show up at my brother’s house and play with my nephews. I just loved being single. In fact one of my favorite verses comes from 1 Corinthians 7:8 when Paul says “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.” I’m so thankful that there are verses that talk about being single especially since we live in a culture that often seems obsessed with romance and couples. For all of my 20s I was 100% content with the single life. My plans were to remain single my whole life and I was happy and eager to do so. This view differed from the majority of my friends but I was single and content. I recognized that singleness was a gift from God and I had fully embraced it, which I quickly saw was not the norm. At times it seemed like I was the only one out of my single friends that was truly happy with my singleness and I had no plans to change that status. But as we see in Proverbs 16:9 the heart of the man plans his way, but the Lord establishes the steps. And while my plan had been to remain single my whole life, God clearly was establishing my steps to eventually take a very different path from the single life I loved and was so comfortable in. So how did I go from being 100% content with being single to engaged? For that we need to go back to the summer of 2002 to where I first became content with my singleness.
The summer of 2002 was a rough one for me. My cousin who is only 6 days older than me was getting married which apparently meant my family needed to start pressuring me to find a guy to marry. I was happy for my cousin but I sure wasn’t going to rush out there, and find a guy to marry just because I was old enough to do so. My own parents didn’t have the ideal marriage. My mom married my dad when she was 19 and my dad claimed to be a Christian and shortly after they were married my mom discovered that he wasn’t. I often wondered why no one in my family tried to stop my mom from marrying my dad and later when I asked my grandparents they said they worried it would push my mom away and she would marry him anyways. Early on as I watched my parents live more like room mates I knew that I would never marry a non Christian and I would be sure my own family and friends stopped me from doing so. A few weeks after my cousins wedding I discovered that my dad had been unfaithful. I was crushed. How could my own father do this to my mother. This became one of those life moments that instantly changes you. I was hurt. I was angry at my dad. I was protective of my mother. I was bitter. I was mad at every single guy out there and I vowed that I was never going to get married. For years I wrestled with what my dad was doing to my mom. I was upset she wasn’t calling him out. I was upset we were all pretending this wasn’t happening. My heart had been broken and I instantly put up a wall to protect it from ever getting hurt.
Fast forward, 10 years and God pulled me out of the public school and brought me to a private school. (A path I never thought I would take.) By this time my heart had healed a little but I was still 100% content with my singleness.
A few months into my first year at my private school, a co-worker came up to me and told me she had a friend, my now husband, who was tall, who she would like to set me up with. Still not looking to date anyone I told her no and life moved on. Fast forward 7 months to a Wednesday after school when teaching partner told me about a Needtobreathe concert she was going to the following evening with a group of friends. Well long story short, I bought tickets that night for the concert, and that following evening met my husband for first time. Upon meeting him I realized this was the guy my co-worker had been talking about but still had 0 interest in going out with him. Now teaching partner gets the idea that my husband and I should date (because we are both tall) and I told her no I had no interest, despite her persistence that I should really consider it. At this point my best friend, a pastor’s wife, discovered that her husband had been unfaithful. Once again I was hurt, in disbelief, and shocked. I couldn’t believe he could do this to her and never in a million years would have guess that he would. They had tried to work it out, but he had decided to walked away from his faith and turned his back on God, wanted some time to himself and they separated only to divorce later that summer. All of this only lead me to feel hurt again and to verify that I was going to stay single forever. So as my friend was going through this difficult time there was no way I was going to start potentially dating someone and start a new relationship as I watched the pain and hurt she was going through as hers was ending. And it’s moments like this where you tell God why you can’t do something that he opens and closes doors so that you have no excuse. In August my best friend called me and I knew something was wrong. Without giving much detail she said she thought it would be best for the two of us if we took a break for a while since we both had drama in our life. I was confused by this, as it seemed to come out of no where and I didn’t really have drama in my life.
Well then a few weeks late it was Labor Day weekend. My teaching had invited me over to her brother’s place to play games, and upon arriving find out that my husband and another friend had also been invited. As the evening went on I developed a slight interest in my husband and saw some great qualities in him. A few days later he asked me out and that next weekend we went on our first date, but still not wanting to really date or marry I went into the first date skeptical and was just hoping for a new friend. I wanted to desperately cling to my single life. It was comfortable, it made me happy and I loved it. After our second date he left to go to Germany for 2 weeks, which only made me want to stay single so much more. I told several people I was going to end things when he got back. I was determined to protect myself and the life I loved. I told 5 of my friends that I was closest to that I was going to end things and all 5 told me not to. To give until date number 3, that I was running because I was scared and while I knew they were right I still planned on ending things. That Sunday in church I felt that God was using the pastor to speak right to me as his one line from his sermon talked about trusting God even when things scare us. As I tried to run, as I tried to go back to the path I liked, I knew that God had other plans. So I didn’t end things and a few weeks later we became an official couple and I knew God had a purpose for this relationship. I suspected marriage as I watched my heart and thoughts begin to change but as I walked on this new path God had for me I could still see the single path right next to mine and I often wanted to jump back over to it. There were many times I thought about breaking up with him during our first few months as a couple but every time God showed me I needed to trust Him. In all the moments I was scared of changes to come or scared of getting hurt I always knew God was leading and after 6 months of dating my husband I knew I was going to marry him.
Well fast forward to Christmas morning to when he did in fact propose to me after having breakfast together and in June we were married.
As I look back now, I see God’s timing and leading through all of this. If God hadn’t pulled me out of the public school system I would have never met my husband. If my husband had asked me out earlier I would have never said yes. If my former best friend hadn’t ended our relationship I would have never gone out with my husband. If he hadn’t gone to Germany for 2 weeks giving me time to think and process, I probably would have made a haste decision and ended things.
And now I’m at the point of after struggling to trust people for years, I’m now married to a man I trust 100%. That after clinging to my life of singleness I give that up for a life of marriage. That after losing a best friend, God quickly gave me a new one. Through all of this I plan on being content with this new chapter of my life. So whether you are reading this today with the gift of singleness or the gift of marriage my prayer is that you will continue to trust God to establish your steps.
